“What’s Right for My Child?” A Thoughtful Read

Parenting is hard.

We are always asking ourselves, “What’s really good for my child?” But there is no guidebook with all the answers. What worked for me might not work for this kid, especially not in this era. My child and I are two different people. And when I think about that, I realize I have no idea what is best.

So I turn to books that look helpful, or ask experienced parents for advice. But the answers are all over the place, everything from extracurriculars and school choices to how we interact with our kids day to day. It starts to feel like I have wandered into a maze with no clear exit.

That is where data comes in—big, meaningful data.

Open this book and the first thing you see is this statement: “This book does not treat school performance or entrance exams as the ultimate goal. Instead, it explores what kind of education truly serves us in the real world, after we graduate and begin our adult lives.” This bold claim is enough to make readers brace themselves, but the content is surprisingly simple and consistent throughout.

The ultimate goal, according to the book, is success and well-being in adulthood: things like employment, income, career advancement, marriage, health, and happiness. The book uses global big data, grounded in scientific research, to explore the correlation between those outcomes and the kind of education children receive at different stages of their early life.

You might pause and wonder: Are job success and income really the measure of good parenting? But then you think, when your child grows up, what kind of future would put your mind at ease as a parent? A stable income and career are necessary for survival. Without those, it is natural to worry. We want our kids to be healthy, and even more so, we hope they will feel happy.

It is easy to get caught up in the now— for example, if children cannot memorize the multiplication table or they did not move up a level at cram school— but this book invites us to take a step back and think: what kind of education choices are best for the long run?

And it is packed with fascinating data.

For instance, the age-old debate: single-gender schools or co-ed? Ask around, and opinions are sharply divided, often based on where someone went themselves.

But this book approaches the topic with data:

• Students from single-gender schools tend to perform better on university entrance exams and are more likely to attend four-year colleges.
• Boys from all-boys schools tend to score higher in math compared to boys from co-ed schools.
• Girls perform better in STEM subjects when they study in all-girls environments.
• Graduates of all-girls schools are more likely to work full-time.
• Graduates of all-girls schools are less likely to marry or have children.

Some findings feel intuitively true, while others are surprising—but they are all backed by data. And having seen the numbers, personal opinions like “Well, that’s not how I see it” start to feel a little hollow.

There is more. The book digs into a wide range of other data: The link between curiosity and academic performance, how much impact teachers really have on students, the correlation between parents’ educational background and the time they spend with their children, whether there is a learning gap between first-borns and their siblings, and study habits that actually help and which ones do not.

It also shows how early education in preschool, kindergarten, and elementary school can influence adult life in terms of employment rates, positions, income, and even self-esteem.

At the same time, the book offers practical ideas for parents based on the data. For example, giving small rewards like snacks or coins for completing homework not only encourage kids to study, it also helps build a habit that often continues even after the rewards stop. I have already started trying this at home. Whether it will work remains to be seen.

One of the most refreshing aspects of the book is its tone. It does not claim “Do this and your child will succeed” or push one-size-fits-all advice. Instead, it presents data clearly and calmly, saying things like “This increases the likelihood of X,” focusing on correlations, not commands.

Some parenting books come off as preachy or guilt-inducing. This one does not. Instead, it helps parents widen their options. By combining the data with their own child’s personality, interests, and traits—as well as their living situation—they begin to see what might work best for them.

They may find themselves thinking, “Hey, maybe I’ll try that.”
And just like that, small new actions begin to take shape.

(Originally published in Japanese. Banner photo © Pixta.)